Tuesday, May 28, 2013
It has been a very long time since I blogged about my exploits as a third generation low-level henchman and boy have I been busy. I have worked for 74 criminal masterminds in the last 2 years! SEVENTY FOUR! And I'm making a pretty good chunk of change too. I look forward to telling you all about my exploits in the next few weeks. Stay grimy, my friends!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Getting Started...
Finding a job is hard enough. Trying to find a job as a henchman offers a unique set of circumstances. Tracking down criminal masterminds (especially those who have warrants) is tough. Getting them a copy of my resume is even tougher - i mean, it's not like they have mailing addresses. Then once you find them, now you gotta see if they are taking on more henchmen. With the economy the way it is right now, a lot of criminal masterminds are rolling out smaller crews. And most members of their crews are specialists like computer hackers, explosives guys or hot-chick-eye-candy, just to name a few. I don't specialize in anything and I doubt a 5'6 dude with a bad haircut and a crooked smile would serve as any one's eye candy so I'm out of luck there.
What I'm looking for is what I like to call a "foot clan" job. You remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, right? Well during each adventure, the 4 TMNTs would totally man-handle like 100 members of the Foot Clan. It may seem a little inglorious, but think about it: all I have to do is get paid for getting kicked in the face (because you know the Turtles were never gonna actually cut someone). Then get up, brush myself off, shake off the effects of the potential concussion and get paid!! And from what I hear, The Shredder knew how to take care of his henchmen.
All I'm saying is, I don't want no real responsibility. I don't want to be Number 2. I don't want to be driving the boss around. i don't want to be making any decisions about the next caper. I just want to be one of those in the group of like 50 dudes trying to wrestle down one hero who will somehow inevitably overpower us all. Easy money, baby...
Now i just need to update this resume...
What I'm looking for is what I like to call a "foot clan" job. You remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, right? Well during each adventure, the 4 TMNTs would totally man-handle like 100 members of the Foot Clan. It may seem a little inglorious, but think about it: all I have to do is get paid for getting kicked in the face (because you know the Turtles were never gonna actually cut someone). Then get up, brush myself off, shake off the effects of the potential concussion and get paid!! And from what I hear, The Shredder knew how to take care of his henchmen.
All I'm saying is, I don't want no real responsibility. I don't want to be Number 2. I don't want to be driving the boss around. i don't want to be making any decisions about the next caper. I just want to be one of those in the group of like 50 dudes trying to wrestle down one hero who will somehow inevitably overpower us all. Easy money, baby...
Now i just need to update this resume...
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